11-16-14) Suicidal Glove

Suicidal Glove

~~~~~~

why, why,

these locked feelings

inside,

like a tight fit glove going for the

ride.

deceit, lack of trust,

just like the color of rust.

running, flowing , a hotbed of blood.

your dishonesty,  , not even the equivalent of love.

i dare you to show me this light,

i dare you to get me to

keep

my life,

as i sit here holding this knife.

how do i begin this ?.

or do i even end

this ?.

guess what, you lose ,

for only i hold the key to my own life.

why is the hour-glass still full ?, why is there just my own foot prints in the sand ?.

my shadow no longer fallows me .

can’t you see, can you even hear

me ?.

i no longer wear the glove

on my hand,

first i must write my name

in the sand.

~~~~~

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7-19-14) Sadness In Loss

“Sadness In loss”

~~~~~~

What can i say.

i have no desire to pray,

sorry to end my life this way.

i so tried to keep

my suicidal thoughts at

bay.

but the sadness of my

loss

could not keep my

inner pain away.

this sadness,

like a knock at the door,

that i can no longer

ignore,

do i answer with a yes or do so with no.

the pain

in my head from arguing with my own thoughts,

as i reach for the door.

my words are lost as i hit the floor.

my memories are nothing

more.

~~~~~

NOTE To the Reader:

in memory to those i lost to this sadness.

3-30-14) “Can’t Sleep”

“can’t Sleep”

~~~~~~

As i lie here awake,

thinking about all my mistakes.

this one not being one,

for my past i cast

aside.

not out of ego

or pride.

for my spirit now

fallows no lie.

fantasy is replaced with a new face.

open eye knowledge i have put in its place.

my life is no race, in time the

hour-glass has broken

it’s chime.

the last song i heard

is the song of mine.

life is reality

with a

sigh ,

blood like truth trickling

from the corner of my eye, this is

mine.

~~~~~~~~~~

2-18-14) Two sided

“Two Sided”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I

once could see

visions

clear in my mind.

I once

believed.

now these visions

are leaving me like

a two-sided tree.

once a believer.

the other side now a true thinker.

now knowing.

an agnostic searching for what’s real.

looking long and hard,

but not too far.

my final choice now made, as I

now observe what’s around

me.

I need no candle,

for truth is now my chosen

hindsight .

9-30-13) Be Forever Free

“Be Forever Free”

(note about this poem, is at the bottom)

~~~

when your time comes,

be forever free.

forever free like the endless sea.

your love will live in our hearts, like a sliver

in our memories,

never ending, forever sending.

when your time comes,

be forever free,

forever sending to the highest mountain

in your dream.

forever flying, forever free.

when your time comes, be forever free,

like a never ending river,

where your love will be remembered forever.

be forever free as far as wisdom

will let you see.

fallow your vision, fallow your dream.

fallow it like the endless sea and be forever free

~~~~

“now why i wrote Poem”

normally i dont explain poems, i know i will rewrite this one here,

did not know i left so much out in my time of grief and sadness, when i had it printed in my Moms obits.

i left out the part of the eagle , there was supposed to be an eagle in the poem.

my Mom died of cancer, at the age of 66, she would be 81 today, if she was still alive.

before she passed away two things happened,

1) she dreamed about being in the mountains and the air was so clean and she felt happy.

2) while she was sitting on the couch staring out of her sliding glass doors an eagle swooped down and through her yard and flew off, she loved that.

so ya i might rewrite this poem. after all i was not thinking straight .

i miss her still.

 

7-21-13) “Why do i care”

“why do i care”

~~

Why do i even care, sitting here alone

while holding this candle of truth,

thinking  of you ?.

Your wisdom seeping through.

Wounds healing from a dark seated past,

every heart beat feeling like the last one.

Here i sit in this chair

wondering why i even care.

Why do i want to take your hand and guide

you there ?.

This light , it’s so bright as if it shines through some forgotten tunnel.

I see, yet i don’t remember.

You said “you are right” yet i don’t remember.

The only thing that hold’s  fast in

this dream,

is the memory of going back through

this dark tunnel.

Holding onto the candle of truth,

while thinking of you .

3-1-13) “Journey”

“Journey”

this feeling comes to me ,

singing my name, how my life is

about to change.

having thoughts of uncertainty,

wondering

whats out there for me as i

close my eyes with

acceptance of  my journey.

for my life is about to begin, all i have to do

is let go of his guiding hand.

standing here now with nothing to fear,

seeing, knowing, loving all that  i hold dear.

my soul shedding a single tear,

for this journey will soon become clear.

i refuse to say good bye,

even as i close

my eyes.

our paths will cross again, intertwine

in our journey’s.

alls one has to do is let go of his guiding hand,

as we go fourth in this life’s

journey.