3-31-16) Lights Out

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Light’s Out.

~~~

Lights out, going dark,

feeling the signs of death coming over me.

yet at the same time, memories

of the light are

too far from my own

mind

sight.

Visions of my awakening, feeling

the love of the one

who has not

forsaken

Me.

his love surrounding me,

sending me back,

giving me

another chance at life, to look further at life’s

continuing glance as I dance

in life’s spiral dance.

Fleeting, flying, seeing into my own

mirror

of my soul.

showing me where i now should

go.

In time I will know.

~~~~~~~~~

NOTE:

normally i don’t give the meaning behind my poems.

but on this one i will. on march 12th-2016, early Saturday morning, i had a sever Asthma attack, all’s i remember is telling my man to call 911 and saying “god please don’t let me die”as i black out and fainted.

the ambulance and firetruck, came to our door in 2 minutes, and maybe worked on me for 15 minutes or less, you see when they came, i was dead, they saved my life that morning, if it was not for them and all the people at the hospital, this little poem would not exist.

i’m so damn glad i’m alive, now i’m on the medicine i need to be on, i hope my health, my Asthma continue’s to get better.

Asthma is no joke, it came back like a bad dream. now i have to learn all over again to deal with it .

7-6-15) Why ?

“Why”

~~~~

Why do you tell me lies ?.

you tell me that you

listen,

you tell me

that you know,

you even tell me you care.

Problem is

I

don’t see you there

or here .

My decision to decide, I made

looking into my own

eye’s ,

a reflection in

the mirror ,

a reflection without

lies,

it come’s to no

surprise

that the existence come’s

from within.

a place where there is no sin.

for my own life

now begins.

11-16-14) Suicidal Glove

Suicidal Glove

~~~~~~

why, why,

these locked feelings

inside,

like a tight fit glove going for the

ride.

deceit, lack of trust,

just like the color of rust.

running, flowing , a hotbed of blood.

your dishonesty,  , not even the equivalent of love.

i dare you to show me this light,

i dare you to get me to

keep

my life,

as i sit here holding this knife.

how do i begin this ?.

or do i even end

this ?.

guess what, you lose ,

for only i hold the key to my own life.

why is the hour-glass still full ?, why is there just my own foot prints in the sand ?.

my shadow no longer fallows me .

can’t you see, can you even hear

me ?.

i no longer wear the glove

on my hand,

first i must write my name

in the sand.

~~~~~

7-19-14) Sadness In Loss

“Sadness In loss”

~~~~~~

What can i say.

i have no desire to pray,

sorry to end my life this way.

i so tried to keep

my suicidal thoughts at

bay.

but the sadness of my

loss

could not keep my

inner pain away.

this sadness,

like a knock at the door,

that i can no longer

ignore,

do i answer with a yes or do so with no.

the pain

in my head from arguing with my own thoughts,

as i reach for the door.

my words are lost as i hit the floor.

my memories are nothing

more.

~~~~~

NOTE To the Reader:

in memory to those i lost to this sadness.

3-30-14) “Can’t Sleep”

“can’t Sleep”

~~~~~~

As i lie here awake,

thinking about all my mistakes.

this one not being one,

for my past i cast

aside.

not out of ego

or pride.

for my spirit now

fallows no lie.

fantasy is replaced with a new face.

open eye knowledge i have put in its place.

my life is no race, in time the

hour-glass has broken

it’s chime.

the last song i heard

is the song of mine.

life is reality

with a

sigh ,

blood like truth trickling

from the corner of my eye, this is

mine.

~~~~~~~~~~